Friday, November 7, 2014

Goodbye My Darling

Early Thursday morning, October 30th, I lost the love of my life.

I know lots of people are not comfortable with the loss of a loved one and the story of what happened.  However, my husband left in such a beautiful way, I wanted to share it with you.  If you are uncomfortable with reading this account--I truly, deeply understand.  ((HUGS))

I knew something was wrong and I felt uneasy that night, so the cat and I sat beside him, as he slept in his big chair.  Suddenly he clutched the top part of his chest and said he was in awful pain.  A moment later, his eyes grew large, and he gasped as though he saw something indescribably wonderful.

I called 911, and I performed CPR until the ambulance came.  Our dear children were able to arrive before he left for the hospital, and we were together there when he flew away to heaven.

As we were hugging and kissing him goodbye, telling him what a wonderful Father and Husband he had been, what a good job he did and how much we loved him--to be at peace and to not worry about us, the walls of the emergency room were lined with those who had fought so hard to save him.  We sang his favorite songs and held him as long as we could.  Those wonderful people surrounded us...their heads bowed, hands folded, many with tears running down their faces.  After a time, they trickled from the room--but stayed close by in the hallway.

As we were getting ready to leave, the head RN came in and said, "We see a lot of these, but it is rare for a family to handle this moment with such great beauty, love and dignity."  Then he gave us his card and said, "If you need anything let us know."

I have been married to this wonderful man for 31 years--and it has been a great adventure.   Alan is the love of my life.  I want to share something beautiful that happened to me early Saturday morning. As I lay trying to sleep, a small sweet breeze slid across my face...and then his dear lips pressed against mine.  My husband kissed me goodbye.

Alan was a servant of God and He loved people. He wanted everyone to know God loved them too, and so I am passing his message on to you--God loves you.  He longs to know you, God wants to share His Son and the world He created for you--in a whole different way than you've ever known.  

My precious friends--so many of you who have experienced such terrible pain and loss, may God bless you with joy--even in the midst of great sorrow.


Al said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Wendy said...

Oh Beth, I am so so sorry to hear your sad news. No words can describe the pain of losing your soulmate, your other half.

I truly believe your dear hubby was kissing you good-by. I felt a similar brushing of air over my cheek as I lay in bed weeping for him one night. And there were so many other "signs" from him, particularly in those early weeks and months.

It's been 4 years and 3 months now and at times I will catch a cardinal staring right at me, or watch as a butterfly lights on a flower near my garden chair. I know it's David saying he's okay and sending his love.

I am happy you were there to help your husband cross over - he did not die alone, but in the arms of his loving family. Those moments are precious and you will never have them back.

I too was with my husband and leaned over the bed to whisper words of love, to tell him one last time how wonderful a man, husband, father and doctor he was in this life. Can't really explain why I did that, I just did.
I think we are guided by God to help our loved ones as they pass from this world to the next.

Daughter (she's a nurse) instructed me to place my hands over my husband's chest where we could feel his last heartbeats as they faded away.

Sending you peace and love as you walk this difficult path.

Marie Flutterby said...

"Beautiful" is the only word I can sum up being loss with words. ♥

Maria Kristina said...

My dear Beth,

I have been so engrossed in my own bubble for the last year. I went into hibernation, doing my best to recover from the pain of losing my emotional connection to the man whom I believed to be my soulmate. (The most recent events show signs that I didn't really lose the connection after all! ) ... Anyways, I have still a lot to learn on life and love.

And that is so humbling for me to read this post about how you and your family dealt with the pain of losing a loved one. I have been catching up with your entries, jumping from one of your blogs to another. You have such a beautiful soul and strong spirit! I could only believe, that such were strengthened by the love and life your soulmate Alan shared with you. I witnessed something similar with my maternal grandparents. With that and your story, I have reasons enough to believe and never to lose hope that true love isn't just a fragment of the imagination or a glorified byproduct of the romanticized human culture. My take home lessons here are: true love gets better with time and it can transcend distances which are completely worlds apart.

Sending you hugs and love,

surfcityginny said...

Dear Beth,
I just discovered your beautiful blog. I too am a Christian. My mother passed away over fifteen years ago. About three days after she passed I experienced a soft breeze over my cheek and had such a strong feeling of her presence as I lay in bed early in the morning. I also felt it was my mother saying goodbye. I had never heard of anything like this happening to anyone and thought maybe it was just my imagination. Now after reading that you had a similar experience, it brings great comfort. Thank you for sharing this.
Many Blessings,